We are inadequately prepared for adulthood in at least one major way

I realized this a little while ago. I’m sure there are many things that I cannot do (figure out car insurance, pay complicated taxes, etc.), but I noticed a glaring omission from my life-education that is bound to cause me, and, yea, my forthcoming descendants boatloads of problems.

I have never been taught how to properly use appliances.

Appliances, being relatively new contraptions when our parents were growing up, were naturally things around the home to be studied, examined, perfected. Every setting, every function, every nob and twizzle a thing to be mastered. And they probably got it down.

Us, on the other hand, and I feel comfortable saying us based on a non-scientific, non-peer-reviewed survey of my roommates, we are appliance novices. For example, take Simple Microwave. Input the time, press cook. We have the basics pretty good. One or two of us can perhaps set the time, or maybe defrost something (poorly). But there are no fewer than twelve additional buttons on our microwave, each with it’s own function, purpose, use. But our parents and teachers deemed this an unnecessary lesson in growing up, and so I will never use Multi-Stage Cooking.

Does anyone really know what Perm Press Function is on a dryer or a washing machine? Does anyone ever use any setting other than Automatic Dry? Does anyone use the Pots and Pans setting on the dishwasher?

We ran out of dishwashing detergent, so we put dish soap in the dishwasher, because three roommates agreed it was probably a good idea, and then our kitchen flooded.

What other functions are we missing out on? Can toasters time-travel? Is there a Macro setting on microwaves? Do I need to take my shirts to the dry-cleaners, or is there a Dry Clean setting on my washing machine? Which things that we are comfortable with now will our children only know the basics of? I postulate that they will only use computers for checking twitter, and will not know of the other functions and settings. They will only use iPhones for calling people, because no one will ever teach them about the App Store.

What a world. No wonder everyone I know is unemployed slash unemployable.