Not-so-critical T9 error

Them: hey my friend pedro thinks ur cute

You: cool i love cock

“cock” instead of “anal” – not a terribly critical error.

Sex and Death

Isn’t it interesting that the same thing that drives us to fuck the cute girl we meet at the bar also causes us to fear death to the point that we’ll do almost anything to delay it?

In other words, the same thing that makes us want to have sex also makes us afraid to die. Isn’t evolutionary psychology interesting?

Guide to dealing with the recession

Making money without having a job can be really helpful, especially because you don’t have a job or any money. You can get 240 bucks a month from donating plasma, which I think is probably pretty painful, but only takes three hours two times a week. Added bonus! You get a free medical exam each time you go, so it’s basically like having health insurance. One of the meth addicts on “Intervention” swears by this.

Also, qualified candidates can donate sperm for 1200 bucks a month. Also they give you movie tickets and stuff sometimes, which translates to taking girls out for free! Unfortunately if you slay you’re ineligible to donate for three days, so timing is key.

Recycling cans, apparently, can also put some dough in your palm. Let’s see, five cents a can, let’s say you go through your friends’ recycling and scrounge 200 cans a week, that’s ten bucks a week! Not too shabby. And if you put in more effort, let’s say hit ten frat parties, that each had 100 people at them, and everyone drank 6 beers, that’s 6,000 cans equals $300 a week! That’s as much as donating sperm.

So that’s like thirty grand a year and you don’t even have a job you lazy jerk! Well done.

Second step is saving money. Ralph’s sells burritos for $0.33, so if you keep to three a day, that’s only a buck for all your food expenses. Don’t worry about being hungry for more than three, because they consist entirely of unappetizing ground up chicken bones and flour, so choking down three is hard enough.

And the best part about not eating very much? Saves you money on the drinking end too. You’ll be smashed after one shot of Prestige. And all the time spent in bed with terrible hangovers and stomach aches is time that you otherwise would have been out there consuming, spending!

So good luck! Suicide is never an answer!