To the girls that totally screwed up our missed connection – m4w – 21 (lower haight)

Reply to: pers-962971343@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-12-18, 12:14PM PST

We had one goal for the night: find a missed connection. We were making, and breaking, eye contact with every girl we saw. Then when we saw you at the bar, and we held your gaze and smiled, we new we had it. A missed connection.

“I can’t wait to put this on craigslist,” my buddy whispered. That’s when you turned around.

“Missed connections? We check that all the time!”

So we laid down some ground rules: no first names, only nicknames (Eyepatch, Jewish, etc.). Not too much personal information. No swapping phone numbers or emails.

But then you had to go and ruin it. Turns out we know people in common. Then one of them showed up. The whole thing was totally shot. Completely ruined.

Now I know your full name. I have your phone number. Our magical missed connection turned into, dare I say, a full blown connection.

So thanks for ruining our night, bitch.

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 962971343

Hipsters are fond of this

The hipster, in it’s natural habitat, enjoys healthy competition in the same way that any meat would. The difference, it seems, is simply in the manifestation. While meats prefer to arm wrestle or push-up contest or spit (hipsters spit too), most cool kids are far too frail.

Enter: “Who Cares Least About Their Cigarette Game.” As it is already assumed that smoking cigarettes is cool and also that not caring about things is cool, it directly follows that the right proper way to figure out social dominance is to play.

So here’s how it’s done – you’re smoking, obviously, probably outdoors, and another friend or rival is there also, and also smoking. Perhaps without saying, the game begins, the object being to care the absolute least about your own cigarette. Disaffection is gauged by the angle of the cigarette hanging from your lip. The closer to a right angle you can make between the line dropped by your cigarette and the ground, the better. Whoever’s cig is dangling more precariously is declared the winner. Tacitly. The game can be played alone.

Really Boring Game

Here’s something you can to to while sitting at your boring job that you don’t get paid enough for:

Go here and search for things. It’s pi to a million digits. I found my phone number (sans area code, but still, that’s kind of cool). My dad’s home line is in there too. I also found my first name in t9 (336647). Birthday’s not in there though. Drag. I also tried searching probably every combination of the numbers 420, 69, and 911, for obvious reasons.

Is there a greater mystical significance to the irrational number pi and the many numbers it contains hidden in it’s cryptic codex? Highly likely, but you’d have to ask a mathematician. All I know is that e-to-the-i-pi equals negative one, and isn’t that just damn crazy? Crazy man.

You can also find a date by searching your favorite area code (press 951 for some Rivercide bro-hos), and then dial all the numbers that come up. When people say how you met, you can tell them that you found her number in pi, which will impress people, instead of through craigslist like your last girlfriend, which people found slightly creepy and offensive. Also feel free to drop my name.

October 2008

The Winking Frown Emoticon

Question: what is the most confusingly meaningless, inappropriate-for-any-situation and almost one-hundred percent of the time always misinterpreted off all the emoticons? Well, the answer would have to be the Winking Frown:

; (   or   ;-(

Implying the flirtatiousness of the wink with the deep sorrow of the frown in a completely incompatible, undecipherable and impossible combination, winky-frown sits apart from the rest of the so-called “sensible” emoticons as the lesbian half-sister, or the deeply religious sister-in-law, whichever.

Potentially, the poor thing could be of use in such a situation as follows: a woman friend that you are interested in sends you a message: “I wish u were here!”. There, logically, it would seem appropriate to combine the provocative nature of the wink with the sense of “bumsville” evoked by the frown. “I wish I was there with you too, baby ;-( “. Right?

No. Wrong.  ; ) + : (  ≠  ; (

It almost looks angry, doesn’t it? ; ( All pissed off about its uselessness. I feel like it could potentially be interpretted as: just kidding, I’m angry with you, I’m crying, *surreptitious wink*, Know what I mean?, I need attention, I’m faking it, I feel nostalgic, I miss you, and so on and so forth. Really, if it could be codified into one or two meanings based on context, it could be quite useful in expressing the complexities of layered human emotions, a poetically efficient way to express the feelings inside you when, say, you graduate from high school, you get fired from a job that you were about to quit anyways, or you get rejected by a zero that you really shouldn’t have wanted to hook up with in the first place.

The only use for the winky-frowny face is in its “meta”-ish uses, such as purposely confusing people to buy you time, or giving people vague responses that they can interpret however they choose, as sort of a Rorschach test via SMS:

“Remember what u said freshmen year?”

” ;-( ”

Now don’t you see how whatever she sends you next will say more about her attitude towards you than about anything else? She is totally free to interpret your message however she wants. But she might also think you’re just being a dick. Lose-lose, winky-frown. Lose-lose.